I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
