She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
