this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
