i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
