So drunk its hurt
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
