Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
