I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
