threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
