Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
