im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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