my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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