Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
