They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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