Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
