I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
