he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
