dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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