i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
