i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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