I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
