i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have feelings that need drinking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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