if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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