he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize