If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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