so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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