Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
