I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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