i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
