she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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