please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
