Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
