I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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