Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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