in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
