some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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