She said her name was "party"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
