At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
