i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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