$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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