Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
