Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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