i permit you to call me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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