dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
