If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
