I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im part way to drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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