you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
