I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
