The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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