Someone shit on the floor
I met the friendliest cop last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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