you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
