The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
