what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
