Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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