I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
