So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
