well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
