You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
