i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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