drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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