We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
