She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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