we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
