I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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