i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
