i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it hurts more in the daytime
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
