If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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