i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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