Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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