I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize