all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
